Sunday, May 8, 2016

My thoughts of being a SAHM

Being a SAHM. There were days when I felt depressed.
I can't just do whatever I want. 
I cannot just walk out of the house and leave Aedan at home. 
I am almost 24 hours with my baby except for a short shower break. 
There's no "me-time" only "we-time".

Since young, I have been a goal driven person. I like the thrill of chasing something and achieving it. 
I like to score well in exams 
I like to join activities 
I like to perform
I like to work in reputable company
I like to hit high KPI
Basically, I like being a high flyer

However, after becoming a mom. 
I can't just do whatever I like without thinking about him. 

It's even hard to find time to blog. 
I usually blog when he's sleeping. I cant write all at once as I have to stop when he's up. And often I forget what I want to write after that.. 

Things cannot be done the best way. There were a few times (only happened once or twice) when I felt that my baby was a hindrance in life. "I felt guilty for having such thoughts"

I felt depressed, aimless and could not be myself. 

This did not last for I felt that I couldn't let myself be in this negative mode for too long. 
So I had a talk with myself. I reflected through my life and questioned myself. 

Why am I here? What led me to this?
Is this what I really want? 

After a few sessions of reflections which is hard to explain.. I kind of find the answer for myself.

Being a mom is a new journey.
It's no longer the same life and the same me. 

It's a transition. 
And instead of thinking to rebound to the "old self". I should embrace this new way of life. 

Take things slowly.
Stop chasing. 
There's nothing wrong with taking things slow.
It's the best time of my life to take things slow.
When there's nothing good to chase for. Then stop chasing.
Take a break and appreciate life!
Appreciate motherhood, enjoy the little things around me and adapt a slower pace of life. 

If I cannot finish what I set for the day. I'll do it tomorrow!
Even If it's not perfect. It's okay.
It's okay to achieve nothing in a day. 
As long as Baby, Mommy and Daddy are happy, life's good. 

When i tried to squeeze in many things "trying hard" to be productive, I usually ended up being stress with a fussy baby and not producing anything good... Then I asked myself .. Doesn't it defeat my purpose of being a SAHM?
To be the queen for my prince and be the one to show him his whole new world. 

My greatest privilege now is to be able to watch him grow and be there with him. So I should enjoy those moments in life! 
Instead of thinking about what I cannot do. I started to think of what I can do. 

I can make good foods
Still blog
Watch and educate my baby
Then I realized that I can still do good things but in a slower pace. It doesn't matter. As long as I know what I want. 

In life, often we got so caught up with chasing things that we forgot what we really want. 
I have learnt that being productive does not mean being busy and doing many things.. It means doing things that truly matter.

Have you ask yourself what you want? 

I asked this many times. 
Being forgetful, I need to remind myself again and again.

Being a mother is one of the best experiences in life! 

Happy Mother's Day! ❤️
- Mommy eve

#Mommy Diary

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